4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
