First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
