just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
