I think scott just propositioned me for sex
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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