I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Michael Bay diarrhea
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
