She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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