1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
