you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
