I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
