Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
