If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
