her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
