In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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