So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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