I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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