weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
