Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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