Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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