Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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