Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
