I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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