Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
