We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
