dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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