According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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