I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
