Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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