been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
