I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
