mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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