I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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