a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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