I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
