He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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