piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
