Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
