She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
