Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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