hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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