i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize