i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
do nipples grow back?
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