...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she woke up with a sticky ear
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
