She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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