we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
