went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
