69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
two words...techno handjob
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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