My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
