Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
