I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
