I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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