What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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