I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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