She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
