It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
