Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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