in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i think i have two assholes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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