We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize