yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
