Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
