worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My vagina is officially offended.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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