If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
