just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How naked do you want me to be?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
