For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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