when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
barbara walters just said penis...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Found the puke drawer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
