You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you win again, gameday.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have post one night stand depression
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