Can Purell be used as lube?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
