That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
