genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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