Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my shit smells like andre
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
