My liver just broke up with me...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
