So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
