I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You made out with two different species that night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
