It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
