Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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