She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
