I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
