Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
